Friday, April 06, 2007

A Few Thoughts

We haven't looked at houses in a couple of weeks, though we're still working on it.

I stopped knitting until I could buy some size zero double points. I figured since I had already pulled out the entire first endpaper mitt I might as well wait to start again until I had the right size needles. (I had used size one dpn's for the cuff before.)

I've been reading A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, and while I have always tended to be very critical of others' writing, I like it very much so far. I'll give another update once I've finished. (I liked many parts of The Time Traveler's Wife too, but the ending ruined it for me.)

I have been thinking a lot about Easter. I haven't finished those eggs I started, but in time I will. -I am really looking forward to church on Sunday.

I have also been thinking about work. I have strange feelings about my work. Career is important to me. It doesn't hold a candle to family, but it's still very important. At times I want nothing but to work my way toward a higher and better position - in part for the role, duty, and responsibility - and in part to support my family better than I do now, but at times I feel as though my job is just that. A job. Of course, there's a weird thing with me because I didn't finish my bachelor's degree, though I came so very close. Some times I am still certain I will complete it. Some times I think it just doesn't matter enough to me. I mean it does, but it doesn't too. I know who I am and what I've done and who I have become... and it doesn't change me. It does hold me back occasionally, from that promotion I want on on occasion, for that office job in a cold, square building full of gray walls and florescent lights. (I say that, but honestly I love the idea of creating a workplace full of energy and teamwork... I do like to make the best of my situation.) My sister Becky once told me that she could never see me working at a desk all day, and I was in college at the time, thinking that I was changing and that, in my time until then, when I had spent all my efforts on the arts - visual arts, dancing, drama, music, I had so let myself settle into that world that I hadn't accommodated myself in such a way to give my more practical mind its full satisfaction. Maybe I was joking myself all that time. Maybe I really was fit for a much more serious role. Ah well. Truth be told I know now I'm an artist at heart, no matter how terrible I may be. It's just what I like. What I do. An important part of who I am, even though it's only a part. Will I let myself settle into the same position where I am now, long term? I just don't know. I don't think so, but at the same time, I just don't know.

Time will tell.

1 comment:

melody said...

I too sometimes feel ambivalent about my career. Sometimes I feel like it's, like you said, just a job. Sometimes I feel like I make a little bit of difference and peoples lives and it makes it worth it... but is this my lifes calling? I don't know- it pays the bills right now, but it definitely doesn't define me. It would be nice to find that delicate balance. Nice blog Sarah! -Melody